He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
