he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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