so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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