I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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