I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
