last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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