he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
