im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
