You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
