I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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