There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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