So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
