New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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