anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
