i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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