Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize