That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
