Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
