The maid of honor just puked.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
