I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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