My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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