Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's Friday. Sex?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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