if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dont even know how to be here
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize