i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
