it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize