Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
