wanna go halves on a baby?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
