what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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