So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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