I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
