I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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