Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
