ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
a search helicopter?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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