u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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