I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
