ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
