I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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