Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
