if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
