If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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