thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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