also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
