He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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