turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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