I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
