he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
