Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
