I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
