I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
