I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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