If i come over, it means nothing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
