my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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