I think my fart just growled at me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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