yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
