my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
