i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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