i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
