Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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