dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
