My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
