Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
