You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
