When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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