In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
