I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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