it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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