You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
