Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
