Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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