I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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