I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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