Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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