literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Be still, my beating vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
