I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
