I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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