you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
