When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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