I think i peed on brittanys purse
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
