Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize