Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
