Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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