I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize