This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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