Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
