my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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