She just used a chaser for red wine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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