if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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