Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
