its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
