remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
