I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
