i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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