i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize