What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
